Dissociating: what it means, what it feels like, and how to come back

You’re in the middle of a conversation and suddenly it’s as if you’re watching from behind glass. Or you arrive at work with no memory of the drive. Or after something frightening, you feel numb and far away, like none of it is quite real.

That’s dissociating. It can be unsettling, but it’s very common, and understanding it makes it much less frightening.

What does dissociating mean?

Dissociation is a disconnection between things that are usually joined up: your thoughts, feelings, memories, body, surroundings or sense of who you are. It happens on a spectrum:

• Everyday dissociation: daydreaming, getting lost in a book or film, or driving a familiar route on autopilot. Almost everyone does this.
• Stress and anxiety dissociation: feeling unreal, detached, numb or foggy, often during or after panic, exhaustion or a shock.
• Trauma-related dissociation: “spacing out” or freezing when reminded of a traumatic event, or feeling cut off from emotions.
• Dissociative disorders: when dissociation is frequent, long-lasting and gets in the way of life.

The NHS describes dissociation as a way the mind copes with too much stress.

What dissociating feels like

• feeling detached from your body, as if watching yourself from outside (depersonalization)
• the world looking flat, dreamlike, foggy or far away (derealization)
• feeling emotionally numb
• time feeling strange, either too fast or too slow
• zoning out and losing track of what’s happening
• gaps in memory, or finding you’ve done something without remembering it
• your voice or hands not feeling like your own

Our posts on what derealization feels like and depersonalization-derealization disorder go into these feelings in more detail.

Why it happens

When stress or fear becomes overwhelming, your brain can turn the volume down on what you’re feeling, a bit like a circuit breaker. In a moment of real danger, that can be protective. But it can also switch on during panic, intense anxiety, exhaustion or when something reminds you of a past trauma, when it’s not needed and feels frightening.

Things that can trigger or worsen dissociation include:

• panic attacks and high anxiety
• exhaustion and lack of sleep
• reminders of traumatic experiences
• cannabis, alcohol and some other drugs, including ketamine
• intense emotions or conflict

How to come back when you’re dissociating

The goal is to gently bring your attention back to the here and now:

1. Keep your eyes open and look around. Name five things you can see, in detail.
2. Use a strong sensation: hold something cold, splash water on your face, smell something strong or bite into something sour.
3. Say where you are: “My name is _. I’m in _. It’s _ day. I’m safe.”
4. Feel your body: press your feet into the floor, push your palms together, stand up and move.
5. Breathe slowly, with a longer out-breath, but keep your attention on the room rather than inward on your breath if that makes you feel more detached.
6. Don’t fight it. Trying hard to “snap out of it” and checking whether you still feel unreal tends to keep it going. Remind yourself: “This is dissociation. It’s my mind protecting me. It will pass.”

Our guide to grounding techniques has twenty more ideas.

Dissociative disorders

The NHS lists three main types:

• Depersonalization-derealization disorder: frequent or ongoing feelings of being detached from yourself or your surroundings
• Dissociative amnesia: periods of being unable to remember important information about yourself or events, sometimes finding yourself somewhere without knowing how you got there
• Dissociative identity disorder: a disrupted sense of identity, with different parts of the self that may take control at different times, usually linked to severe trauma in childhood

Many people with a dissociative disorder have experienced trauma, often in childhood. They’re treatable, usually with psychological therapy.

Dissociation isn’t psychosis

People who are dissociating usually know something feels “off”. They know the world hasn’t really changed, even though it feels strange. In psychosis, people may lose touch with what’s real, for example hearing voices or holding beliefs others don’t share. If you’re worried you might be losing touch with reality, talk to a doctor.

When to get help

Talk to a doctor if:

• dissociation happens often, lasts a long time or is distressing
• you have gaps in your memory, or lose track of time
• you find yourself somewhere without knowing how you got there
• it started after a traumatic event
• it’s getting in the way of work, relationships or daily life

Get medical help straight away if dissociation comes on suddenly with confusion, a severe headache, weakness, a seizure, after a head injury, or after taking a substance. And if you’re having thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life, call or text 988 (US), or 911 in an emergency.

Talking therapy helps most people. If dissociation is linked to trauma, trauma-focused therapy can help a great deal, and treating any anxiety or depression helps too.

Frequently asked questions

Is dissociating normal?

Mild dissociation, like daydreaming or zoning out, is completely normal. Brief feelings of unreality during stress or panic are also very common. It becomes a problem when it’s frequent, long-lasting or distressing.

Is dissociation a symptom of anxiety?

It can be. Feeling unreal or detached is a recognised symptom of panic attacks, and it often comes with high anxiety, stress and exhaustion. It’s also linked to trauma and PTSD.

How do I stop dissociating?

In the moment, ground yourself with your eyes open, strong sensations and naming where you are. Over time, treating the anxiety, stress or trauma behind it helps it happen less. Fighting the feeling usually makes it last longer.

What does dissociating look like to other people?

Often, they can’t tell. Sometimes a person may look blank, glazed or far away, stop responding, or seem not to hear. If someone you know dissociates, speak calmly, say their name and where they are, and offer something to hold or a glass of water.

How Breatheasy can help

Breatheasy can help you come back to the present. Tap “I’m feeling anxious” and Luma walks you through slow breathing and 5-4-3-2-1 grounding, one sense at a time, with your phone pulsing gently in your hand as an extra anchor. Ten-second check-ins help you notice what tends to set off dissociation, like poor sleep or stress, which is useful to share with a therapist. Breatheasy is coming soon to iPhone and Android.

Sources

• Dissociative disorders, NHS
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), NHS
• Post-traumatic stress disorder, National Institute of Mental Health
• Panic disorder, NHS