How to calm down: 12 ways to calm yourself when you’re anxious, angry or overwhelmed

Your heart is pounding, your thoughts are racing, and you just want to feel normal again. Whether you’re anxious, angry, overwhelmed or upset, calming down can feel impossible in the moment.

The trick is to start with your body. Anxiety, anger and overwhelm all switch on the same fight-or-flight response, which speeds up your heart and breathing and tenses your muscles. You can’t argue your way out of that, but you can calm your body, and your mind follows.

Calm down in the next 60 seconds

1. Breathe out for longer than you breathe in. In through your nose for 4, out through your mouth for 6. Do it five times.
2. Drop your shoulders and unclench your jaw and hands.
3. Feel your feet on the floor. Press them down.
4. Name what you’re feeling: “I’m really angry right now,” or “This is anxiety.” Naming a feeling helps take some of its power away.

12 ways to calm yourself down

For your body

• Long out-breaths. The single most useful tool. In for 4, out for 6.
• A physiological sigh. Two short breaths in through your nose, then one long breath out. Repeat a few times.
• Cold water. Splash your face or hold something cold to your cheeks and wrists. Skip this if you have a heart condition.
• Move. A brisk walk, some stairs or shaking out your arms burns off the adrenaline.
• Tense and release. Squeeze your fists or shoulders for five seconds, then let go.

For your mind

• Ground yourself. Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and 1 you can taste.
• Count backwards from 100 in 7s, or name something for every letter of the alphabet.
• Write it down. Get the thoughts out of your head and onto paper.
• Ask what you’d tell a friend. Then say it to yourself.

For the moment

• Step away. Leave the room for five minutes, go outside, or close the laptop. Distance helps strong feelings settle.
• Turn down the input. Dim the lights, turn off notifications, put headphones on or find somewhere quiet.
• Talk to someone you trust, or just sit with them.

If you’re anxious or panicky

Slow breathing, grounding and letting the feelings rise and fall without fighting them help most. A panic attack usually peaks within about 10 minutes and passes. Our post on how to stop a panic attack has the full steps.

If you’re angry

The NHS lists a faster heartbeat, tense muscles, clenched fists, a tight chest and feeling hot among the physical signs of anger. Before you say or do anything:

• step away and give yourself a few minutes
• breathe out slowly and unclench your fists
• move, like a fast walk
• come back to the conversation when your body has settled

Anger usually passes faster when you don’t act on it straight away.

If you’re overwhelmed

• Stop and breathe before doing anything else.
• Write down everything on your mind.
• Pick just one next step, the smallest one, and do only that.
• Ask for help with the rest, or put it off until tomorrow.

If you’re upset or crying

Let the tears come. Crying often brings a sense of release. Afterwards, breathe slowly, sip some water and be gentle with yourself. Our post on crying during a panic attack explains why tears come.

If you can’t calm down at night

Sit up, switch on a soft light and breathe out slowly. Don’t check the time or start scrolling. If you’re still wide awake after about 20 minutes, get up and do something calm until you feel sleepy. Our post on calming an anxiety attack at night has a step-by-step plan.

How to help someone else calm down

• Stay calm yourself, and speak slowly and quietly.
• Breathe slowly so they can follow your rhythm.
• Don’t say “calm down”. Try “I’m here. Let’s breathe together.”
• Give them space if they need it, and stay nearby.
• Ask what helps rather than guessing.

Our post on helping someone having a panic attack has more.

What helps over time

• Practise calming skills when you’re calm, a few minutes a day, so they’re automatic when you need them.
• Sleep, movement and less caffeine and alcohol make it easier to stay steady.
• Notice your triggers and plan for them.
• Get support. If you often feel anxious, angry or overwhelmed, therapy like CBT can help you build lasting skills.

Get help right away if you feel you might harm yourself or someone else. Call or text 988 (US), or call 911 in an emergency.

Frequently asked questions

How do I calm down fast?

Breathe out slowly, longer than you breathe in, five times. Drop your shoulders, feel your feet on the floor and name what you’re feeling. Cold water on your face can help too.

How do I calm myself down without anyone noticing?

Breathe out slowly through your nose, press your feet into the floor, squeeze and release your hands under a table and quietly name things you can see.

Why can’t I calm down?

When your fight-or-flight system is fully switched on, it takes a few minutes for stress hormones to settle, however hard you try. Trying to force calm can make it worse. Focus on slowing your breath and let your body catch up.

How can I calm down before something stressful?

Practise slow breathing beforehand, arrive early, go easy on caffeine and plan your first step. A few minutes of breathing just before you start can help you walk in steadier.

How Breatheasy can help

Breatheasy helps you calm down wherever you are. Tap “I’m feeling anxious” and Luma walks you through it: rate how strong it feels, breathe slowly as your phone pulses gently so you can close your eyes, ground yourself with 5-4-3-2-1, then see how far it came down. One-minute breathing exercises and calming games help too. It works without internet, and the core tools are always free. Breatheasy is coming soon to iPhone and Android.

Sources

• Breathing exercises for stress, NHS
• Anger, NHS
• Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal, Balban and others, Cell Reports Medicine, 2023
• Get help with anxiety, fear or panic, NHS
• Panic disorder, NHS