Monophobia: the fear of being alone, and how to feel safe on your own

When your partner goes out, the house feels too quiet. Your chest tightens and your mind races: what if something happens and nobody’s here? You call someone, put the TV on loud, or go out just to be near people.

An intense fear of being alone is often called monophobia or autophobia. Here’s what it is and how to feel safer on your own.

What is monophobia?

Monophobia means an intense fear of being alone, isolated, or without a particular trusted person nearby. It can apply to being physically alone at home, or feeling alone in a crowd.

It isn’t a formal diagnosis by itself. Doctors would look at what the fear is about, because it often overlaps with recognised conditions.

Signs

• intense anxiety or dread when alone, or at the thought of being alone
• panic when someone close to you leaves
• going to great lengths to avoid being alone, like constantly arranging company
• staying in relationships mainly to avoid being alone
• difficulty sleeping alone
• physical anxiety: racing heart, breathlessness, nausea

What the fear is often about

• Having a panic attack with no one to help, which links to panic disorder and agoraphobia
• Something bad happening to you, like illness or an accident, which links to health anxiety
• Being abandoned or rejected, which can link to anxious attachment
• Separation from a specific person, which links to separation anxiety
• Being left with your own thoughts, which can link to depression, trauma or overthinking

Why it develops

• past experiences of loss, abandonment or neglect
• trauma, especially something frightening that happened while alone
• panic attacks, especially when alone
• anxious attachment patterns from early life
• long periods of loneliness or isolation

Monophobia or loneliness?

Loneliness is the painful feeling of not having the connection you need. Monophobia is fear of being alone, even briefly, even when you have good relationships. They can overlap. Our post on loneliness and having no one to talk to covers loneliness specifically.

What helps

• Name the fear. What exactly are you afraid will happen when you’re alone?
• Make a safety plan. Keep your phone charged, save emergency contacts and know what you’d do if you felt unwell. This makes being alone feel less risky.
• Build time alone gradually. Start with ten minutes alone doing something you enjoy, then build up, repeating each step until it feels easier.
• Fill alone time with something absorbing, like a hobby, music, a walk or cooking.
• Breathe out slowly when anxiety rises.
• Stay connected, but try not to rely on company every minute.

Treatment

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can treat the fears behind monophobia, often with gradual exposure to time alone. If panic, separation anxiety, trauma or attachment worries are involved, a therapist can tailor treatment to them.

When to get help

Talk to a doctor or therapist if fear of being alone is causing panic, affecting your relationships or stopping you from living independently. If you feel unsafe or are thinking about ending your life, call or text 988 (US) now.

Frequently asked questions

What is the fear of being alone called?

It’s often called monophobia, autophobia or isolophobia. Doctors usually look at the underlying fear, such as panic, separation anxiety or abandonment, rather than using these names as diagnoses.

Is fear of being alone a mental illness?

Not on its own. But an intense fear of being alone can be part of recognised conditions like panic disorder, agoraphobia, separation anxiety or depression, which are treatable.

How do I stop being afraid of being alone?

Gradually spend more time alone, starting small, with a safety plan and calming skills. Repeat each step until it feels easier. CBT can help if it’s hard to do alone.

Why am I scared to be alone at night?

Night can amplify anxiety, because it’s quiet and dark and you’re tired. Calming sounds, a dim light, a safety plan and slow breathing help. Our post on fear of the dark has more.

How Breatheasy can help

Breatheasy can keep you company when you’re on your own. If fear rises, tap “I’m feeling anxious” and Luma walks you through slow breathing and grounding. Your emergency contact is always one tap away, which helps being alone feel safer, and calming sleep sounds and stories help at night. Breatheasy is coming soon to iPhone and Android.

Sources

• Phobias, NHS
• Agoraphobia, NHS
• Panic disorder, NHS
• Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), NHS